fears

last week i was starting to feel a little discouraged about the teaching profession. i tell myself things like i'm not professional enough to get up and be ready and presentable every monday-friday. or that i don't have the right clothes or the right social skills or enough organizational talents.

but then i found this guy's blog called 'teaching the outsiders' which gives me lots of hope. he has been teaching seventh grade since 1988 in california and has countless good tips, stories, entertaining anecdotes, etc. that got me back on my motivation horse.

one thing that had knocked me off was a frustration with the alternative teaching program i'm in to get my certificate. the expectation is that after the classes and tests on the website are finished, the student should then be able to go out and get a job. which i don't have enough teaching experience for. so i'm teaching English at El Buen Samaritano and i might start tutoring a couple of afternoons next semester but mostly i have to substitute to get into and learn about the schools.

and i'm not sure why in a school people are unwilling to help you learn about procedure but you really have to pull it out of them. there is an expectation that you should already know how everything works the moment you walk in and if not you get a funny look and a 'just go do it' attitude. is that irony?

so to put it bluntly i'm scared. i feel like i need more prep, more instruction, more experience. i don't want someone holding my hand but i'd like to know a little about the water before i jump in.
are there sharks? a little algae? just some slimy stuff or like storms and tsunamis?

i'm trying to look at this as a challenge. i really like the idea of overcoming my fears, so i'm working out ways of gaining the skills that make me feel comfortable. i think i'm going to call AISD like i did del valle and just tell them "let me observe some of your classes". which worked out well and i've done some teaching assistant subbing since then. but i want to know how difficult it is to handle a class. how much is your day planned out and what happens if the teacher doesn't leave lesson plans?

really, i think that i'm just going to have to jump in. and mr. coward's website (teaching the outsiders) i think is helping me feel more confident. at the very least it's nice to know there are teachers out there who enjoy their jobs. and have made school simple and enjoyable for the students.

teaching involves so many skill sets like entertaining, knowledge in the subject area, people management, etc...i want to know if all the things i'm badass at can help me and if i have the gumption and intelligence to employ them all at once. i also need a hug. hugs are good.