oh piffle

this is my grandmother betty joy. she fell and broke her hip on wednesday when she was trying to step over her electric blanket cord. luckily she fell close to her phone because she never wears the alert necklace that she has and she lives alone. she had surgery last night and i haven't heard how she is yet execept that she was in quite a lot of pain and the morphine they were giving her wasn't helping so the doctor gave her some diloted which is much stronger. she slept on and off through the night and when she woke up my aunt said she saw the doctor and thought he was incredibly handsome and sweet and flirted with him all day. he had been to iraq to care for the soldiers and she was quite taken with that.

we lived really close to my grandparents when i was growing up. they lived on a lake in a canyon and we lived on the rim so i used to hike down when i'd get bored. my grandfather had a paddle boat and cane poles to fish with and a peach and nectarine orchard. he was always trapping racoons and shooting them or bitching about his china berry trees or sitting on his back porch drinking jim beam and soda. my grandmother and i played gin rummy and she taught me to play her organ and i would thread the needle on her sewing machine when she couldn't see it. i love her and i miss her and i hope she recovers quickly.

hugs,
chelsea

someone's out there.

am i crazy? did that work? it's like there's a bloggod who answers prayers. much better than in real life.

f this

so i am going to move my blog to wordpress. it is basically the same except the address will be fortuitush.wordpress.com.

please forgive me but i can't seem to get these people (hello! are you there? yeah i'm talking to you.) to help me get comments. and i want to know what you think. i value your opinion! and that's no bullshit but this service is. all my love to google but you got some shit to work out here.

hugs,
chels

poor tummy, it absorbs the worries.

so in the latest feud with my mother i seem to have pissed her off the point that she won't email me. i asked her to stop emailing me vague ignorant conservative propaganda like this:


John McCain, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama were walking down a Washington DC street when they came upon a homeless man.

John McCain, gave the man his business card and told the man to come to his office for a job. He then took $20 from his pocket and gave it to the man.

Hillary was very impressed, so when they came upon another homeless person, she decided to help. She walked over to him and gave him directions to the welfare office. She then reached into McCain's pocket and got out $20. She kept $15 for her administrative fees and gave $5 to the homeless man.

When they came upon yet another homeless person, Barack told him "have hope...change is coming..." and gave him nothing.

Now do you understand the difference?"


Ok aside from the 4 misplaced commas let me clue you in on something. This is the format for a very popular joke. As in "a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar" but where's the funny? where's the punch line? where's the non sequitur like "the bar tender says 'is this a joke?'" or something of that nature. it's not there! there is only a question to which one could possible say 'no i don't understand' which is exactly what i did. there are just too many things that i have questions about.

first of all why are these three people walking down the street without their body guards? where's reggie love?

second, why is it that the first is a homeless 'man' and the rest are homeless 'persons'? did the writer of this fine inquisition decide to improvise the gender to make it more appealing to the brainwashed masses? why not homeless children? that would've worked better for me.

also what homeless person doesn't already know where the welfare office is? most homeless people can't get welfare anyway. you have to have a job for that kind of aid. if i was writing this twisted piece of crap i'd have told him where the food bank or the HOMELESS shelter was. and what homeless person actually WANTS a job? they make more money off of people like the john mccain character than josh and i put together for the last five years.

and what is the difference between these characters really? they all will never know what it's like to be the homeless people and probably don't have much on their agenda for homeless people because you can't really help those that can't help themselves. i mean, much love to the homeless for keeping it real and all but come on. the only legislation you see on the chronically homeless is how to keep them off the corners with their bothersome roses.

and so i'm really not convinced that these three people, had they been walking down the street together without reggie love et all, would've even stopped to give the bums the time of day. it's just not on their agenda. which is what i should do with the email. just delete it because i have bigger things to focus on. but i can't quit thinking about the shit head who wrote this, is sending it out to all these people, and all the people who are thinking "well yeah! i see tha difference! my mind sure is made up now" (insert bumkin voice ala jeff foxworthy)

anyway. so my mom is pissed at me now because i told her not to send me anymore of this political crap. so be it. i've bigger fish to fry. and mmm! do they taste oh so good.

so cute!

this morning

we had an eventful morning...first josh and i took finnie to daycare so that we could go and run errands. we had to go to josh's lawyer's office and pick up some paperwork, then go to the dmv and try to get his license back. he's been going through the driver surcharge program for like 900 years trying to deal with this dwi that he got back in 2003. we thought it might be kind of a hassle because we've been up there before and they're always all 'you have to do this' or 'you have to do that' like the freaking vogons on hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy. all bureaucracy.


so josh goes behind this little window and talks to the guy while i'm hoping everything is going to work out but trying to be a good girl and just pretend my cuticles are the most interesting bits of stimuli in the world. (i'm a good wife) so then josh comes around the corner looking dejected and motions for me to leave with him. the whole time i'm walking over he won't look at me but we get out of the door and as i ask him what happened he's like 'man, shit...i got my license!" and flashes the most beautiful piece of paper i have ever seen. aside from our marriage certificate and finnie's birth certificate, and oh yeah, all of that money we got from running our porn business last year. but it's beautiful, you get the point.

there are countless things one worries about when one doesn't have a license. can i take my kid to the store without getting pulled over, going to jail and having to tell my wife that our son is with the CPS? do i have to stay at this job FOREVER because noone with hire me without a valid license? should i go to that melvins show and risk being turned away at the door because i don't look over 42? etc...

the best part of the whole thing though was that we decided to go and have 1 mimosa a piece (ok we had two but we were still under the legal BAC, right?) at Magnolia Cafe. We were sitting outside next to the fence eating our breakfast when i see this blurry fuzzy blob plop into josh's lap. josh just sat there with his bagel and lox looking at me like "what the fuck? and we turn to see this german shephard sized squirrel bolt across the table and onto the patio floor. in his haste the squirrel left the pecan he was chasing in josh's lap and josh, still staring at me like "what the fuck?" threw the pecan on the table and said "well i got HIS breakfast."

the squirrel left scratch marks all over josh's right hand so i think the official tally was tied at 1.


and now i'm going to pick up our sweet boy from da-da-da daycare! a lovely day indeed.

neighbors

i know i'm suppossed to be working and studying but i can't quit watching the guy who is my neighbor. the window that my desk is at looks into the back yard of a duplex where a young guy has been walking around on the roof, fixing windows, trimming trees and smoking cigarettes.

i started watching him because the other day josh told me to look out the window at what was sitting in the middle of the yard. there was a plant on top of a milk crate which was on top of a plastic lawn table just a basking in the sun. can you guess what that plant might have been? yep! only in austin would someone put a pot plant in the middle of the yard for everyone to see. does he not see my window? does he not know that the cops have been called on them before for the noise their dogs make? or does he just not care because he's growing it for personal use and will only get a ticket?

the best thing to me is that the lady next door to him is obviously very old, has a chihuahua and dumps all of her junky medical equipment onto her porch. there's a walker, a wheel chair a humidifier, etc...so maybe the pot grower is just trying to freak the old lady out. no telling.

inanycase, i find the speculation better than tv. and WAAY better than studying.

noises

i love this little boy. what you probably can't see at first glance is that he's raising his shoulders so that he can shriek. for joy.

finnie's favorite pastime

in our family we can be polite and call it breastfeeding when we're talking to doctors and my baptist grandmother, but around good company it's well known as titty feeding. and i have been doing it for a YEAR. i know there are those granola mammas (who i admire wholeheartedly) that go for two three four years with the kid on the teat but personally i'm a little tired of his eight teeth taking total control of my sweater cows.

just a little though. i am, for the record, a strong advocate of titty feeding. some but not all of my reasons are selfish. for example, a woman burns five hundred extra calories every day while lactating. also, a baby who is breastfed for longer than a year doesn't have to be given cow's milk which can cause anemia and has too much sodium and not the right balance of nutrients for baby humans. and AND! there are lower rates of postpartum depression in breastfeeding mothers. not to mention the money you save on formula. there are many many many reasons for continued breastfeeding and just a few reasons not to... and i think i'm at the point where i'm thinking of weaning finnie, but then he wants to nurse or i can tell that he would go right to sleep if i did and then i give in. i know its lazy but if he's less stressed and i'm less stressed and there's no crying hissy fit upon bed time, then why change that? because its uncomfortable and blah blah blah...round and round in circles.

with anything i start, have started, will start, i know that thinking about weaning and gathering information will be the first steps. then we'll try and try and one day he'll end up not even thinking about the fact that we had the ritual together everyday for the first year of his life. he'll know subconsciously. and i'll know but probably won't mention it to him unless i want to embarrass him in front of his friends. but i'm not sad about moving on...i'm proud that we bonded and i'm happy that it was such a healthy experience for both of us. i can thank him for keeping me sane and he can thank me for all that wonderful titty milk.



-

HA-LE-LEU-JAH

LAST DAY AT WHOLE FOODS!